Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
