O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
