I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
