Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
