Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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