Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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