I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
