isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
