I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
