i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
