so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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