I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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