Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
