New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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