It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize