Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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