At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
