Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
