im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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