My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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