Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
