My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize