and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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