I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
