Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
