You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
