I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
