Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
