The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
