haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
