I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
