i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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