My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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