I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
