I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just puked most of my soul out..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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