and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
