No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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