well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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