T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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