At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
