Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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