Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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