I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
