boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
