Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
