...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
