I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
