Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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