I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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