You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
