i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
