why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
