It was confusing and full of hummus
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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