so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
