Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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