What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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