apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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