Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The air was thick with penises
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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