I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
