3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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