She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
