I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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