Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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