I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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