tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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