theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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