What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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