So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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