I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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