Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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