Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
