Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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